


I Didn't Want to Die Alone

by RachelSadie



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bellamy Blake - Freeform, Clarke Griffin - Freeform, Cockroach Mechanic, F/M, Fluff, Minor Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Nightmares, Suicide mention, death mention, murven - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 06:00:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10984830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachelSadie/pseuds/RachelSadie
Summary: Murphy is having trouble sleeping at night. He's safe in the bunker, Emori is safe too, that's all he care about right? But he knows there's someone else- Someone who isn't as safe. And he can't let her die alone. He can't let her die at all.





	I Didn't Want to Die Alone

"Tell them I floated myself." Raven's voice said as he watched her. He was standing on the Ark, watching her open the door that would suck her out, send her floating through space to her death. He reached out to stop her, but his arm never moved. He opened his mouth to yell at her, but no words came out. With tears in her eyes and long dark hair falling beautifully over her shoulders, she smiled at him one last time. With a sickening sound, the door opened, sucking her out so fast that his mind barely recognized that she was no longer with him. Only then did his voice come off his lips, a crippling scream that brought his whole body crumbling to the ground. He watched the door where she had been moments ago and then--  
"John! "John, Wake up." The familiar touch of Emori's hand stirred the boy from his sleep. He sat up, startled and looking around, surrounded by friends. He was in a cold sweat, drenched and wiping his forehead with his shirt while they all stared at him in a way that made him uncomfortable and angry.  
"The fuck are you all staring at?" He asked, glaring at Bellamy as the man towered over him. "Back the fuck up, I'm fine." He didn't meet Emori's eyes, only choosing to rest his hand on top of hers for the moment. "I had a bad dream, big deal, everyone has them, call of the dogs." he rolled back over, pulling a blanket up to his shoulder and turning his back to them all.   
"Murphy." Clarke cleared her throat. "You woke half the bunker. That's not just a bad dream." She moved to sit at the edge of his bed timidly. It wasn't like the pair had always had the best friendship. Her eyes moved to Bellamy, glancing at him for reassurance. When the dark brown of his eyes locked with hers she could read the concern written in them, tinged with sadness. "We thought maybe if you wanted to talk about it-"  
"I don't." He groaned and sat back up. "I'm not going to sit around and have heart to hearts. if you don't have nightmares after everything we've seen, consider yourselves the lucky ones, either way, piss off and let me go the fuck back to sleep." Clarke sighed but stood up, moving to Bellamy, standing a little too close and letting out a soft sigh of relief when his hand rested on her shoulder. They both watched Emori, who pursed her lips and stood up, not meeting anyone's eyes as she walked out of the room, Bellamy and Clarke on her heels. The door swung shut and the three of them looked at each other, mirroring faces of grief and concern all around.   
"You heard him." Bellamy finally said, a picture of Octavia flashing in his mind, making his stomach turn and his eyes glaze over. "he doesn't want to talk about it. The door is sealed, anyone out there is gone, that's bound to leave us all with some scars. let him sleep." With that, Bellamy turned and walked away without looking at Clarke or saying another word. Clarke felt like she had been slapped in the face, watching him walk away and knowing he blamed her. She apologized to Emori and went after Bellamy slowly.

\---------  
"You're going after her, aren't you?" Emori's voice was soft, and in the darkness Murphy couldn't quite make out her face. His boots were already laced, clothes on and ready to walk out the door when she spoke and now, now he was frozen, unsure what to say. "It's okay, John." Emori said, and he could hear the sadness in her voice. "You love her. I've known for weeks." He turned towards her, leaning to kiss her head as he whispered an apology and left. He wanted to stop and talk to her, to tell her that he loved her too, but he didnt have time. He couldn't risk someone else waking up and stopping him.   
The halls of the bunker were empty. People sleeping soundly knowing they were safe now that the bunker had been sealed shut. As he moved through the halls, his thoughts made their way back to Raven. Would she even still be alive when he got to the island? Was he risking his life for her when she was already gone? Would she allow him to save her even if he could? After all, she had made this decision of her own accord. He should have told her then. When he told her that he was sorry, he also should have told her that she mattered to him. That he had grown to need her, despite his desire to never need anyone. He hadn't realized he loved her until days later, but he wished he had known it then, so that maybe he could have told her that too. He sighed, mentally adding that to the list of fuck ups that he kept tallied in his head.   
"Where do you think, you're going Murphy?" A voice rang through the darkness and Murphy's hand moved to his gun, ready to draw at any moment, but praying he didn't have to. He didn't want to shoot another person. He watched Raven suffer at his own hand, watched Lexa die of a stray bullet, truly Murphy would have been happy had he never had to touch another gun again. But that wasn't logical in the state of the world they lived in. to go out on his own unarmed would have meant his death for certain.   
"I thought I would have a midnight, stroll. Wanna walk in the moonlight with me? Hold hands and talk about our futures?" Murphy smirked at the man the voice had come from, relaxing slightly as Bellamy came into vision with a smirk of his own. "You gonna stop me, Blake? You going to tell me not to go save the mechanic's life?" He raised his eyebrows, challenging. "Your sister is out there. She may still be alive, you know. T-minus 24 until the death wave." His smirk became a smile when Bellamy clapped him on the back.  
"I'm coming with you." He said. The pair made their way to the door easily, Murphy snarking softly about the lack of security. They weren't prepared for what was on the other side though. Bodies laid sprawled across the ground, dead or barely breathing. Bellamy gasped and Murphy looked away, composing himself for a minute. "They shouldn't be dead yet." He said. "There should be more time." Bellamy's voice was cracking as the words came out. He scanned the bodies, distorted and fried with radiation. "Let's just go." Murphy looked up at him in shock, almost having expected him to bail, but he nodded, moving out and through the woods.  
They both knew that their rescue missions might be in vain. After having seen so many already gone, and how the radiation had destroyed them, it was unlikely that Raven or Octavia were alive. As they moved through the woods though, they heard a sound, snapping them both to attention as they got closer. It was a person, someone coughing. At first, she was unrecognizable. Her clothes were torn or burned through, skin burned and blistered. Her hair matted with blood and her eyes were as red as blood that pooled on her lips. "Octavia!" Bellamy screamed, scooping his sister up in his arms, looking helplessly at Murphy. "I have to get her back to the bunker and then we can--" Murphy stopped him, shaking his head.  
"Take your sister to safety. I'm not waiting. There's no time to back peddle." Bellamy just stared at him, his sister weightless in his arms. "What? What do you want? A hug and a kiss goodbye?" Murphy shook his head and clapped the boy on the shoulder. "May we meet again." He gave a curt nod and turned his back, not watching as Bellamy left with Octavia, too busy already moving forward.

\---------------  
Hours went by as Murphy tried to make it to the island. Every once in a while he coughed up blood or had to stop at a river to wet his burning skin, but he kept moving. Hours had never felt more like days then they did right now while he was alone with his thoughts and maybe, probably dying. Finally laying his eyes on the Lab was surreal. Like the promise of paradise. He forced his way forward, into the building and yelled for her, coughing up blood as he did so. "Raven!!!! RAVEN!!!" He yelled repeatedly, but she didn't come. He frantically searched for her, finding her nowhere and eventually dropping to his knees, just like in his dream. He was too late.   
"Murphy?" Her voice was small, and he almost didn't hear her, thought the voice was in his head even. But he looked up and damn if she wasn't the most beautiful mirage he had ever seen in his life. "Are you real?" She asked, scared of the answer. Having seen Sinclair so clearly, she didn't know what to believe.   
"Am I--" He stopped and stood up, watching her. He wiped the blood off of his mouth and continued to stare for a minute. "Yeah, i'm real. Are you?" He asked, but he didn't wait for a response. He closed the distance between them and wrapped one arm around her waist, pinning her against his body as his lips touched hers. She was softer than he imagined she would be, unhardened by the world, and while their kiss was tinged with the taste of copper and salt water from tears he couldn't quite tell if were his or hers, it was still delicate. "I'm real." He said again, murmuring the words against her lip. "I'm real and I'm so fucking sorry." He kissed her again, fingers curling into her sides as if she might disappear right from his grasp.   
"What are you doing here? Why? Why did you come back here?' Her voice shook but her hands clutched at his face. "You were supposed to survive."  
He shook his head. "Remember when I told you I didn't want to die alone?" He looked at her, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Well I'm a real tough guy, you know, so I figured if I didn't, you definitely wouldn't." His smirk made her smile and he kept going. "I also wasn't going to let you die not knowing that I loved you. That seemed like a dick move. Leave you behind to off yourself and never tell you the truth." He shrugged.   
"You are kind of a dick, Murphy." Raven said with a laugh. It died on her lips as she watched him cough up more blood. "Come on, We have to get you safe." His eyes narrowed as he followed her with confusion. She lead him to a bunker, where he paused and stared at her.   
"What about food? Water? Air?"" He was already thinking about all the things that could possibly be wrong with this situation, but Raven was grinning widely at him as she watched all the confusion pass over his face.   
"All taken care of. I am a genius you know."  
"Don't Brag." He smiled and followed her inside. "Arrogance is unnatractive. On you. I can pull it off." Raven just rolled her eyes as she sealed the bunker door above them.   
"I had a last minute desire not to get radiation poisoning and croak. Not a good way to go out. It was this whole big epiphany and I worked my ass off making it workable and creating a viable way to sustain myself. I pretty much resigned myseld to being alone for the next five years but-" She grinned. "I can make room for one more, I guess."  
Murphy's features curled into a grin and he reached out, grabbing her waist as she walked and pulling her towards him. "Oh? You and me alone in a bunker for five years?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her. "How ever are we going to fill that time?" Raven rolled her eyes but couldn't help the laughter rolling off her lips. "It sounds to me like you already have some ideas, John Murphy."

And boy, did he have some ideas.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first Murven Fic! I hope you like it!


End file.
